“Panic at the Disco”

Day 131, #2026bigyearproject

While I was expecting (or as my dad told me to describe it: in the family way), I had a dream about putting my baby on a flat surface and then promptly forgetting where I had placed that infant. I eventually found the tiny being waiting patiently for me, right where I had lain it. No need for panic.

That dream has come to mind many times over the years. There have been many reasons to be anxious as a mom. I wanted to be a good example, teach healthy habits, share decent ideals, and show my daughter how to be an independent, strong person. Sometimes I hit the mark. Sometimes I floundered. Sometimes she was the teacher and guide. We both grew over the years. No need for panic.

Yesterday, we celebrated Mother’s Day with lunch at one of my favorite spots with our daughter and son-in-law. The four of us caught up on the latest news. My husband and I enjoyed being treated to a delicious meal. Later, I will have fun at our local indie bookstore with the generous gift card my kids gave me.

Sometimes the sweetness of my beautiful life can be overwhelming.

I appreciate this stage because I remember what it took to reach it. There were nights I waited for our garage door to open, signaling my child’s safe return. The phone rang often when she was in college. She regaled me with tales from her fascinating classes, revered teachers, and quirky friends. There were clashes over rules, boundaries needing to be adjusted, and contrasting ideals. The tragedies, comedies, and romances could fill books! No need to panic, but there were instances when nervousness was warranted!

These days, I can look back with a fond eye. It helps to know that problems were resolved, weeping ended, and good choices were made. No need for panic, but definitely a need for gratitude.

Several seasoned moms and dads threw me lifelines over the years. They calmed me when I thought there were no solutions. They showed me options when my imagination was inadequate. They told me what they had seen and how they had survived. They told me over and over that our relationship would get better, I would get better, and that I was doing my best. Panic was optional.

Yesterday, my newsfeed was filled with family photos, mums and kiddos smiling for the camera. There were a few tears from those whose mothers had gone ahead, as mine and my hubby’s have. One mom breathed her last around 10 p.m. She gave her adult children one final Mother’s Day. Several women were celebrating their first holiday as mamas. I loved seeing their adoring eyes as they cuddled their babies. Some folks are raising fur kids. Their love is deep and fervent as well.

There is a team of matriarchs who are leaders, looking after the vulnerable and caring for those who need a loving hand. I am comforted knowing that they are out there, doing their duty with dedication and an unflagging commitment.

The role of mother is often unglamorous, unheralded, and dismissed as unremarkable. It is everything but that! This has been the defining job of my existence. I took it on willingly, even though I could not know everything it would demand of me. I consider myself fortunate to have the chance to be Aubrey’s mom. I relish my position.

#2026bigyearproject